If you are a better-than-average looking Ivy-League educated natural blonde woman with a medium-size bosom who wants to be felt up by 20-something pre-pubescent poser-Zach Effron look-alikes who think they went to an Ivy League school* flaunt their bling while screaming at the baseball game on the oversize TV screen that they are pretending to follow along with just to impress you while trying to stick their hand up your shirt and your tongue down your throat, this is totally the place for you. If you want to talk to a nice, normal, middle-class, under-educated schmo and pay for your own drinks? Not the place. Try Staten Island.

• P.S.--Fordham University is NOT the Ivy League.